3 Seldom Used Communication Tips You Can Master: Break Down Barriers Between You & Your Partner
According to Rob, (Director/Counsellor of The Centre for Life Management/LMC Relationship Centre, and Co-author of “Love by Design”) says that the following is roughly how communication is divided.
10% of Communication is conducted through Words.
30% of Communication is conducted through Tone.
60% of Communication is conducted by Body Language.
So what does this mean? We spend the majority of the time focusing on what people are directly saying, but we are missing 90% of what people are really saying. It is no wonder then, that above and beyond couples not having the same communication modes, or not having relationship skills, miscommunication can also be occurring because we are not focusing on the full picture.
Indirect Communication is also an alternate form of communication, because a person needs to listen to what is being said underneath the words, and not take the words at face value only.
Let’s give some examples of the less well know forms of communication.
BODY LANGUAGE: When a couple comes for counselling, by the time they sit down on the couch together, we already have an idea of the dynamics of the relationship. How? By how they are sitting on the couch. Is the couple sitting on opposite ends of the couch? Are they sitting close together, are they leaning towards each other, away from each other? Is one couple leaning away from the other even though the other is leaning towards the other one? Is one person practically sitting on the other? Are they holding hands? Does someone have their arm behind the other one? Are they sitting forward, leaning back relaxed, or sitting up poker straight? Is someone fidgeting or restless? Is someone hugging a pillow, or putting a pillow between themselves and their partner? There is a lot going on, if one is aware.
It is important when communicating to be aware of one’s body language. Often a person may shutdown by something the first partner is saying or doing, but are not saying anything, so the first partner continues unaware.
As an example, if someone shuts down, they may lean away from you, they may or may not be smiling, they may have a very tight, restricted look on their face. Their eyes will usually be directed away, looking down, or looking up and away. If they do maintain eye contact, chances are their arms will be crossed.
Arms being crossed is fascinating, in and of itself and has more than one meaning, but as the person doing the communicating and as the receiver of the communication it
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